Thursday, November 4, 2010

on the crazy train

I have a headache.
I must be going insane,

Monday, November 1, 2010

on all hallow's tomorrow

Caught influenza,
High-fived the Dalai Lama;
Quite the week I've had.

Writing a paper
About souls and caves and shit:
"Socrates just wins."

Monday, October 11, 2010

I came back for some reason

It's been eighteen months
Since my last post (about Scrubs).
It ended again.

There was a spin-off.
It was a medical school,
And it really sucked.

I got a girlfriend
And a job, and though I'm rich
I still lack money.

I'm in Rothman's class,
Talking about Groundhog Day.

We're also discussing
This movie that is too long
To pronounce in here.

I think I may have
Lost my humor in these haik-

Have I become lame?
Boring and dull and lacking wit?
Probably maybe.

Or maybe fuck it
I wrote terrible haikus
And I'll keep at it!

Alright, this is it.
I hereby declare, I shall write

Thursday, May 7, 2009

on scrubs

It ended last night.
Watched it intermittently,
But it was the shit.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

hentai haiku

Oo me so juicy,
Like a succulent spring plum-
Pluck me! Pluck me now!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

cinco de mayo

Fiftho of Mayo.
This is the dayo that we
Just lay aroundo.

Monday, May 4, 2009

breaking bad

Best show on TV.
It's all about drugs and stuff,
But it's not The Wire.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

on exams

I have three of them.
I should probably study...
...I'll just masterbate.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

on porn

I watch for function,
sometimes to be entertained:
Who's Nailin' Palin?

Friday, May 1, 2009

on 12-hour workdays

They are the worst thing,
Especially when working
With your ex-girlfriend.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

on copros

Fuck those evil cunts.
Always fucking up my shit
(I do not like them).

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

on kate beaton

She write great comics.
Jokes about history stuff.
My clan's in this one! :D

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

on technology

It does not like me.
Not at first, at least. Sometimes,
It puts out for me.

As an example,
Take Avid's Protools program.
It does not like me.

Monday, April 27, 2009

doctor pepper

You are no doctor,
Nor do you contain peppers.
What's up with that, Doc?

Sunday, April 26, 2009

on making out

When I'm giving tongue,
I like to pop my eyes wide
And swish all around.

But when I try to,
I can't. Preemptive laughter.
She thinks I'm crazy.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

on smiles

They're bad umbrellas.
Frowns are much better, except
Against metaphors.

Also, less wrinkles.
So I am told. I don't know.
Do I look sixty?

Friday, April 24, 2009

on poop

You search homonyms
For "poop" to use in haikus.
You've hit rock bottom.

The greatest of jokes
Are about poop, dung, scat, crap,
And fecal matter.

For example: I
Took your mother on a date.
Then, I shat on her. :D

...I think it's funny.
What? You think you've got better?
Well, let's hear it then!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

on drawing stuff

I'm okay at it.
Not the best artist ever,
But my cocks look right.

I started drawing
When I made D&D maps.
Never enough blood.

Reading webcomics
Inspired me to do more.
This is my first one.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

on pop'ems

Solid donut holes
Are twelve times as delicious
As solid assholes.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

on waiting

Waiting for a ride,
But also waiting for love.
Mostly the ride, though.

Love won't transport me
To the downtown. Luckily,
I love rides. WIN/WIN!

Monday, April 20, 2009

things i'm not good at

Drawing volcanos.
No matter how hard I try,
I get people's buttholes.

When I eat salad,
I can't help but find myself
Covered in lettuce.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

on arrested development

I watched it. Quite good,
But understand why it died:
Lack of nudity.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

on sneezing and the fabric of space-time

I once theorized
That sneezing with eyes open
Can cause time travel.

I never proved it
Until I turned 56,
Like three days ago.

Friday, April 17, 2009

on being wrong

Everyone is wrong.
Recognize this, you are right-
A new kind of wrong.

Nothing's definite.
There is no truth, just true things.
Facts and opinions.

Whenever I'm wrong
I admit it, say "I'm sorry."
And hope to get laid.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

andrew versus timmy tree

He is gonna sail
To Denmark and put his mouth
Over my head. Oy!