on the crazy train

I have a headache.

I must be going insane,

Becaus-I LIKE TIGERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

on all hallow's tomorrow

Caught influenza,

High-fived the Dalai Lama;

Quite the week I've had.

Writing a paper

About souls and caves and shit:

"Socrates just wins."

I came back for some reason

It's been eighteen months

Since my last post (about Scrubs).

It ended again.

There was a spin-off.

It was a medical school,

And it really sucked.

I got a girlfriend

And a job, and though I'm rich

I still lack money.

I'm in Rothman's class,

Talking about Groundhog Day.

Reincarnation!

We're also discussing

This movie that is too long

To pronounce in here.

I think I may have

Lost my humor in these haik-

INTERRUPTING COW!

Have I become lame?

Boring and dull and lacking wit?

Probably maybe.

Or maybe fuck it

I wrote terrible haikus

And I'll keep at it!

Alright, this is it.

I hereby declare, I shall write

ALL OF THE HAIKUS!

on scrubs

It ended last night.

Watched it intermittently,

But it was the shit.

hentai haiku

Oo me so juicy,

Like a succulent spring plum-

Pluck me! Pluck me now!

cinco de mayo

Fiftho of Mayo.

This is the dayo that we

Just lay aroundo.

breaking bad

Best show on TV.

It's all about drugs and stuff,

But it's not The Wire.

on exams

I have three of them.

I should probably study...

...I'll just masterbate.

on porn

I watch for function,

sometimes to be entertained:

Who's Nailin' Palin?

on 12-hour workdays

They are the worst thing,

Especially when working

With your ex-girlfriend.

on copros

Fuck those evil cunts.

Always fucking up my shit

(I do not like them).

on kate beaton

She write great comics.

Jokes about history stuff.

My clan's in this one! :D

on technology

It does not like me.

Not at first, at least. Sometimes,

It puts out for me.

As an example,

Take Avid's Protools program.

It does not like me.

doctor pepper

You are no doctor,

Nor do you contain peppers.

What's up with that, Doc?

on making out

When I'm giving tongue,

I like to pop my eyes wide

And swish all around.

But when I try to,

I can't. Preemptive laughter.

She thinks I'm crazy.

on smiles

They're bad umbrellas.

Frowns are much better, except

Against metaphors.

Also, less wrinkles.

So I am told. I don't know.

Do I look sixty?

on poop

You search homonyms

For "poop" to use in haikus.

You've hit rock bottom.

The greatest of jokes

Are about poop, dung, scat, crap,

And fecal matter.

For example: I

Took your mother on a date.

Then, I shat on her. :D

...I think it's funny.

What? You think you've got better?

Well, let's hear it then!

on drawing stuff

I'm okay at it.

Not the best artist ever,

But my cocks look right.

I started drawing

When I made D&D maps.

Never enough blood.

Reading webcomics

Inspired me to do more.

This is my first one.

on pop'ems

Solid donut holes
Are twelve times as delicious
As solid assholes.

on waiting

Waiting for a ride,

But also waiting for love.

Mostly the ride, though.

Love won't transport me

To the downtown. Luckily,

I love rides. WIN/WIN!

things i'm not good at

Drawing volcanos.

No matter how hard I try,

I get people's buttholes.

When I eat salad,

I can't help but find myself

Covered in lettuce.

on arrested development

I watched it. Quite good,

But understand why it died:

Lack of nudity.

on sneezing and the fabric of space-time

I once theorized

That sneezing with eyes open

Can cause time travel.

I never proved it

Until I turned 56,

Like three days ago.

on being wrong

Everyone is wrong.

Recognize this, you are right-

A new kind of wrong.

Nothing's definite.

There is no truth, just true things.

Facts and opinions.

Whenever I'm wrong

I admit it, say "I'm sorry."

And hope to get laid.

andrew versus timmy tree

He is gonna sail

To Denmark and put his mouth

Over my head. Oy!