8 o' clock classes

I want to go there,

I need to go there to pass,

But I'm hungover.

on explosions

They make things cooler...

Except appendectomies...

Also, Alderaan.

Explosions done in

onomatopoeic caps:

KRAKOOM! BOOM! BABOOM!

Dr. Manhattan,

Sometimes I wish I were him.

Like around my ex.

on being cool

You want to be cool?

Just do what I do: sleep in...

...refrigerators.

on battlestar galactica

I've never watched it.

I may play D&D, but

I'm not that nerdy.

lame

Of all the haikus

That I've written, this one is

One of those haikus.

on shaving

I have shaved myself.

I have done so to please you.

Happy Birthday, bro. :)

emoticons

Emotes do not count. :D
They aren't syllables at all. ;P
Frivolous. 8===(''')==D-----------(your face)

on the alphabet

If I were in charge,

I'd put U and I together

Just to fuck things up.

on perversion

To give a flaming,

Dead, male, child elephant

A rusty trombone.

Pyronecroho-

Mopedobestianal-

Ingus is just gross.

Rule thirty-four is

"If it exists, it has porn."

Rosie O'Donnell. :'(

When I meet a girl,

I picture her under me.

It's how we're wired.

on ex-girlfriends

They just flat out suck.

Suck suck suck suck suck suck suck.

They are not pleasant.

Chinese, russian, thai,

Korean, then chinese again,

And then two white girls.

a night at Greg's

I asked for XP.
We were close, so Greg said, "Fine."
I danced for twelve hours.

It wants to kill me:
Greg's kitty cat named Kitty.
It's staring at me... D:

Xam'd: Lost Memories.
Furuichi eats his head!
Raigyo also dies.

Youtube kept taking
Our favorite vids away.
Fuck copyright law!

Then we played some RISK.
I won for the first time, but
Greg stole my thunder. :(

Greg is using three screens...
ALL AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME!
I am quite jealous.

I wish Corn were here.
He's my homosexual!
We'd bang each other.

on Tony Jaa

Tony Jaa breaks bones,
Lots and lots and lots of bones.
Gives me erection.

haircuts

Once or twice a year,

I go out to get one done:

Brazilian waxing.

Girlfriend did one once.

I collected hair as it fell,

Rolled a ball, kept it.

on an alien that turns you into a punk rocker

My hundredth haiku.

I got here pretty quickly...

On to something else!

There's this alien

It makes you a punk rocker.
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!

on trickery and reflexivity

The best April Fools

Is no April Fools at all.

Fooled you, didn't I?

on keytars

Keytars are the shit,

But piantars are better.
...what's a piantar?

on antidisestablishmentarianism

Antidisestab-
lishmentarianism:
Too few syllables.

bacon

The excess fat drips,

We lick it, get obese kids.

Canada's to blame!

Special Thanksgiving.

The best of meals made divine!

Turbaconducken.

"No bacon." Almost!

I'd make them cry cleverly,

But no palendrome. :(

pie/π-kus

3.141

5926535

8979...

"Happy Birthday, Rev!"

I said, "NO CAKE!" Give me pie!

Even cheesecake's fine.

Key Lime Factory,

Just down the road from my place.

Rev prevents bankruptcy.

a pair of glasses

A Catch-22.

To find it, you must have it:

GPS Unit.

Got them at 15.

First put them on at Wal-mart.

Yelled, "This place is HUGE!"

"Well, you look...smarter."

Thanks, but that's not what I want:

To be damned sexy.

Eyes are off-center.

Thus, the glasses are crooked.

I look retarded.

Found them on a bench.

They looked like my prescription.

Kept 'em. (True story.)

brothers

I have two of them.

They are both taller than me.

The eldest feels short.

I'm an Irish twin.

Born within a year of me,

He's the evil one.

We hate each other

The way married folks tend to,

But we both have cocks.

The youngest is cool,

Growing up just like me. Why?

Manipulation.

on robots

My prime directive

Doesn't matter anymore.
I love you, Wall-E.

They're expendable.

Send them in before our troops:

The queers and the jews.

A world of robots.

Immortal and quite depressed.

FUCK YOUR SHOW, CASSHERN!

I like to explain

Humorous things like a drone.

Jux-ta-po-si-tion.

(Sorry for that one.

It simply isn't funny.

A robot wrote it.)

We should have sexbots.

They are more important than
Immortality.

Robot becomes man

(Reverse fossilization).

He plays with his dick.

"I'll be back." ker-SMASH!

God damn you, Schwarzenegger.

I just shat myself.

on the train back home

Sat by an old man

On the train up to PC.

I watched Firefly.

Ex-girlfriend boarded.

Freaked me out beyond belief.

She didn't see me.

The man asked, "Who's that?"

"I took her virginity."

We had a good laugh.

on joints

As in cannabis,
Not osteoporosis.
Aspirin for puns?

A morning dove feeds
In a marijuana bush
And sings a high coo.

He leaped off the edge.
"I will save you, Mary Jane!"
Spiderman's last joint.

(That last one's better
If he's just a normal guy,
But he's REALLY high.)

Only 4 weeks 'til
The best of all holidays:
April Twentieth!

Pineapple Express
Proved to me that God does exist.
ALL HAIL THE CROSS-JOINT!

Legalize the herb.
Bring the world peace with some bud.
Make sure there's Cheetos.

zombies

Eating ice cream

After a good zombie bash.

"You've got red on you."

Huddled near a corpse.

The Smiths eat their dinner. BRAINS!

The other white meat.

Soft sobs in the night.

Shadow of her former self.

Bill startled the Witch!

Eighty yards away.

I have a rifle, they're slow.

Thanks, George Romero!